The November 5 settee class occurred this week, and I have been too busy to write a weekly post. So, I decided to treat readers to some Windsor chair jokes. We call this the “best of Windsor chair humor.” The joke about our humor is that it is lame, reworked jokes. Have a chuckle. Next, week I be reporting about the doings in this class. We had a lot of fun together.
Mid-month I will be emailing our monthly newsletter. If you are not receiving it, drop me an email at email@example.com and I will put you on the list. Last month’s mailing was a copy of a 1786 chairmaker advertisement from a Boston newspaper. The month before was a tool review of Woodjoy’s new hollow ground spoke shave cutter.
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One day His Grace Don, an instructor at The Windsor Institute was having a drink with some fellow Windsor chairmakers down at the local pub, The Silver Spoon Bit. The drinking spot is also favored by the vile and treacherous Shaker chairmakers who attend their school, Shakermaker U.
H. G. Don began to tell a Shaker chairmaker joke to his fellow Windsor chairmakers. Sitting at another table was the captain of the Shakermaker U football team, who overheard His Grace. The very large Shaker chairmaker rose out of his chair and stood next to H. G. Don. “So, you were going to tell a Shaker chairmaker joke, were you?” said the captain. “I dare you. Go ahead and tell it with me standing here.”
Not content to be alone in his intimidation, he also summoned the Shakermaker U fullbacks, “Hey, Hezekiah, Isaiah, come over here.” The three huge players loomed over H. G. Don and his friends. Next, the captain called to the two gigantic tackles who were still seated at his table, “Hey Jeremiah, Zechariah (Shaker chairmakers all have names like this,) come here.” Now, five enormous Shaker chairmakers stood menacingly around H. G. Don and his companions.
“You still want to tell that joke?” the captain growled.
“No,” answered His Grace.
“What are you, chicken?” asked the Shaker chairmaker.
“No,” replied His Grace. “I just don’t want to explain it five times.”
* * * *
Here is the joke His Grace was about to tell.
“How many Shaker chairmakers does it take to drill a hole?
“Five. One to hold the brace and four to turn the bench.”
* * * *
The phone rings at the Drug Enforcement Agency office in Portsmouth, NH. An anonymous tipster, obviously disguising his voice says, “The Windsor Institute is involved in drug smuggling. They just received a pile of oak logs that are hollowed out and full of drugs.”
Minutes later, a squad of strong, young DEA agents arrives at The Institute equipped with splitting mauls and wedges. After an hour of furious work, they leave empty handed.
Next, the phone rings at The Institute. Mike, still in a state of shock after the DEA invasion, answers.
“Mike?” asks a voice easily recognized as Sir Fred’s, another instructor at The Institute.
“Did the DEA show up today? ”
“Yes,” responds the puzzled Mike.
“See,” says Sir Fred. “ I told you I could find and easier way to get those logs split.”